Friday, 8 July 2011

The Plight of Politics

As it stands, 80% of my demographic don't care about politics or political issues. The majority of the other 20% claim to, but are too stupid to be able to say anything meaningful. Even if ignorance is bliss when being screwed over by the coalition (or any government for that matter), you're still getting fucked.

There isn't very much to be interested in british politics though. You have the choice between a charmless wanker that went to Eton, and, ehhh... a charmless wanker with a lisp that sounds like he is retarded. Some say that choice is overrated, but in the case of politics we need more choice, well... choice, we can worry about getting more of it at a later date.

I don't understand how this incompetent government of ours can even keep the country stable. The only plausible theory that explains the (relatively) functional nature of the country is that we are run by a secret coalition consisting of:

The Bilderberg Group (20%)
Rupert Murdoch (15%)
Carlos Slim (25%)
Steve Jobs (10%)
China (10%)
Gordon Gekko from Wall Street (20%)

My vivid imagination tells me that a board meeting would go something like this:

The Bilderberg Group: We want more power! AAHHH! WORLD DOMINATION!!
Steve Jobs: The new iPad has an app for that.
The Bilderberg Group: Fuck your shitty iPad. It doesn't even work with my laptop. Chinese piece of shit!
China: Hey, you watch it buddy, now who ordered the spare ribs?
Carlos Slim: Me!
China: £10 Prease!
Carlos Slim: [Accidentally Takes out Nectar Card] Shit, wrong card, you take Visa?
China: Dude, your worth like 80 Billion. You have a fucking nectar card?
Carlos Slim: Every little helps!
Gordon Gekko: No it doesn't. This country is failing. You aren't naive enough to think we live in a democracy?! GREED IS GOOD!
Carlos Slim: Screw you banker scum!
Rupert Murdoch: [Sounding like the Emperor from Star Wars] Can't we just get along and take all of Britain's money?


The point is... ehh, well, I forgot what the point was about halfway through pretending to be Gordon Gekko. Goodnight Seattle.

1 comment:


    All-encompassing cynicism is not a nice place to be, particularly for someone so young.
    The feeling that nothing can be done actually becomes self-fulfilling. A very good analysis of how trashing democratic institutions might lead to totalitarianism can be found ins this amazing piece by a former republican party staffer here: