Friday, 8 July 2011

The Plight of Politics

As it stands, 80% of my demographic don't care about politics or political issues. The majority of the other 20% claim to, but are too stupid to be able to say anything meaningful. Even if ignorance is bliss when being screwed over by the coalition (or any government for that matter), you're still getting fucked.

There isn't very much to be interested in british politics though. You have the choice between a charmless wanker that went to Eton, and, ehhh... a charmless wanker with a lisp that sounds like he is retarded. Some say that choice is overrated, but in the case of politics we need more choice, well... choice, we can worry about getting more of it at a later date.

I don't understand how this incompetent government of ours can even keep the country stable. The only plausible theory that explains the (relatively) functional nature of the country is that we are run by a secret coalition consisting of:

The Bilderberg Group (20%)
Rupert Murdoch (15%)
Carlos Slim (25%)
Steve Jobs (10%)
China (10%)
Gordon Gekko from Wall Street (20%)

My vivid imagination tells me that a board meeting would go something like this:

The Bilderberg Group: We want more power! AAHHH! WORLD DOMINATION!!
Steve Jobs: The new iPad has an app for that.
The Bilderberg Group: Fuck your shitty iPad. It doesn't even work with my laptop. Chinese piece of shit!
China: Hey, you watch it buddy, now who ordered the spare ribs?
Carlos Slim: Me!
China: £10 Prease!
Carlos Slim: [Accidentally Takes out Nectar Card] Shit, wrong card, you take Visa?
China: Dude, your worth like 80 Billion. You have a fucking nectar card?
Carlos Slim: Every little helps!
Gordon Gekko: No it doesn't. This country is failing. You aren't naive enough to think we live in a democracy?! GREED IS GOOD!
Carlos Slim: Screw you banker scum!
Rupert Murdoch: [Sounding like the Emperor from Star Wars] Can't we just get along and take all of Britain's money?


The point is... ehh, well, I forgot what the point was about halfway through pretending to be Gordon Gekko. Goodnight Seattle.

Saturday, 2 July 2011

Yeah, i iz laik, bare middle classs bruv...

Drivin' down da street in ma pimped out volvo, bruv, i got ma swagga on yeahhh, laik....

Have you ever come across people talking like that? I sure as hell have, and I just want to slap them. What would compel any sane person to abandon their hereditary idiom to use a bunch of made-up words and talk with the grammatical accuracy of an illegal immigrant? (That really isn't a rhetorical question, if you know why please enlighten me)

Do they think it makes them cool? If that's the case then they are sorely mistaken. But I think there is something more sinister going on. My peer group seem to feel that there is something uptight about being cultured, intelligent... and being grammatically and semantically correct. This is partly due to wise and clever people being portrayed as weird nerds in the media, but this is merely a consequence of an underlying cause that also manifests itself in other ways.

That cause is jealousy, more specifically the jealousy that stupid people feel toward intelligent people. Stupid people would not have much of a say in a world where ones social standing is determined by ones intelligence and intellectual prowess, so they have done their best to promote that misconception that clever people are weird and socially inept so that the general population will look past their cognitive shortcomings.

Smart move, stupid people. 

It goes without saying that stupid people will eventually cause the downfall of human civilization. 

Anywayz, I iz going to chill with ma frenzz coz i love dem sooo much.

Friday, 1 July 2011

Sweeney Todd

I'm playing in the orchestra for the NYMT's production of Sweeney Todd. We are playing some excerpts tonight, and the first full performance is Thursday the 14 of June. But enough of me publicizing my stupid mundane life (The blog has four followers by the way! Four followers! Another nine and I'll be Jesus). It's time for some flippant discourse.

OK. Seeing as I can't think of anything to flippantly discuss, I'm going to talk about writers block. Ehhhhm. Yeah. OK. Nothing to say about that either. Just that it's crap. 

Well, that's all I can really say right now. Totally uninspired. Have a nice day, disciples!